10 Trinity Sq
Toronto, ON
M5G 1B1
416-598-4521
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Wed. 12:15 pm
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reflections and sermons posted here are the work of individual members of Holy Trinity. Opinions expressed are those of the writer or preacher and do not necessarily reflect an official or even popular opinion within the parish.
Without Shores or Boundaries
SARA BOYLES
This winter several dear friends are undergoing treatments for cancer. On one level I expect them to lead long and happy lives when these treatments are over. Cancer is becoming, for some a chronic disease. For that "progress" I am very, very thankful. At the same time, two friends have died within weeks of diagnosis. The shock of that increases as I sense illness becoming more manageable.
Since I am or was far away from the friends geographically, doing something symbolic has taken on grand proportions. Writing, e-mailing, phoning have become the norm but it doesn't feel quite adequate. Neither do muffins through the mail. I have contemplated loudly and deeply cutting off my hair to identify with the journey of my women friends but I have been haunted with the question why. It doesn't feel quite right.
As I have worked away to find meaning that sits firmly and deeply about a shaved head, the whole idea has taken an interesting turn. It is not about them it is about me. Buzzing my hair off may be more about my turning to something unknown and an attempt to prepare myself for the unexpected. It may be about leaving the comfort, security and love of this place to a less secure place. Mostly because I am feeling called there - into a time without shores and boundaries, into a time of discernment and shedding. The call isn't clear. It has come more as an invitation to open myself up to the next phase of my life.
I have never wanted to slip away. In fact I have great horror of slipping away. When I was asked earlier this week how I wanted to say good bye, I had few ideas. What I have figure out since then is that I want laughter and gaitly at my departing and I want opportunities to speak deeply and openly with so many of you. You have become the backdrop to my self- understanding and this place has become a second home.
Dealing with illness is dealing with change, so is this leaving. One has informed the other. All is interconnected and as we said at Beth's memorial this week, "All will be well."
Sara November 30, 1999 |
