10 Trinity Sq
Toronto, ON
M5G 1B1
416-598-4521
416-598-1432 (fax)
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Sun. 10:30 am, 2:00pm;
Wed. 12:15 pm
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reflections and sermons posted here are the work of individual members of Holy Trinity. Opinions expressed are those of the writer or preacher and do not necessarily reflect an official or even popular opinion within the parish.
Bending the Past
SARA BOYLES
FTI
The birds sing this morning even though I was wakened by the water sprinkler going on about 2:30 a.m. It's a little thing but it niggles and I lay in bed thinking of all the reasons we should not be watering the lawn at our building, in May and in the middle of the night. Primarily though, I am ticked because I wake up when it clicks on and I have a myth about myself that I am a sound sleeper. I live in denial of the nights I woke up with children, the nights I can't sleep because of having a coffee late in the day, my nocturnal anxieties.
Most denial is usual and we need a bit to live easily in this complex world. Other denial though is life draining and causes us to close in ourselves and live in small and narrow ways. I was the queen of denial for much of my adult life. I inherited it from my mother who probably inherited it from hers. While it allowed a kind of "getting on", it does not allow a great deal of room for thriving. I would say that ultimately, it served neither me or my children well. We pass on those very things that we wish to lessen or erase from our own repertoire of responses to life events (and it is our responsibility to bend those things as far as we are able).
I never have to worry about not having enough of this technique to see me through difficult times. I have been able though to live more fully into more life giving ways by confronting more directly those things which
threaten to overwhelm and limit me. This is where acts of faith come in. I need to believe, we all need to believe that life has an energy of its own to propel us into the future so that whatever happens it cannot destroy us. I witness people recovering from terrible shock and trauma and am amazed at the capacity of the human spirit to ride above all odds. I know the power of deep faith.
The prayer which begins "Glory to God.. is not a favourite just because it contains the word imagination. For me it speaks to a truth about the Ruah of God which is in, behind, under, above and intimate with us all. God incarnate, in every moment, every event, every day. We need to live into the fullness.
Sara November 30, 1999 |
