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Toronto, ON
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reflections and sermons posted here are the work of individual members of Holy Trinity. Opinions expressed are those of the writer or preacher and do not necessarily reflect an official or even popular opinion within the parish.
The presence of the Absence
SARA BOYLES
My ears picked up yesterday when the CBC announcer said that they were having a woman on the show who was going to talk about the " presence of the absence". The woman's father had been killed in World War II when she was a tiny baby. The synopsis with which the show began talked about how her mother had kept her father's memory alive so that it lived inside this baby daughter event though she and her dad never met.
I didn't get to hear the interview but the phrase "presence of the absence" rang in my ear. That's theological I sputtered to myself as I drove along. That's the resurrection, that's the mystery, that's the song of the universe. There are two times I know the presence of the absence. First, there are those moments when I feel well connected and so clear and sure. Those are the moments that I work with a harmony flowing between me and all that I do. I see connections everywhere and I live inside thankfulness and inside God.
Others times however the absence of the presence is not positive. Everything feels full of sorrow and pain. I trudge through the stuff of life and feel disconnected from spirit and soul. The very air feels thick with hopelessness and the way forward feels shrouded in gloom. Even standing still seems more than can be accomplished. There is a slip backwards, a place that needs to be gone through again. It is in that place I am aware of emptiness, of rawness, of the echo chambers that threaten to engulf me. It is in that place I stand naked and alone. The temptation is to run from that place and escape somewhere, anywhere. I am tempted to do what our society suggests: succeed, spend, indulge. Yet staying there is exactly what is required. It is the place where the answers will be revealed, where true hope is found.
It is only later when I become aware of some shift inside me I notice I have not been walking alone. The presence of the absence has been travelling with me. My heart has been filled and may have been full all alone. I simply wasn't ready or able to see it. Now though, I live in awareness, more fully. I walk with grounded feet into the wisdom that is my inheritance.
Sara
November 30, 1999 |
