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Frustration and Anger

SARA BOYLES
Frustration and anger seem to be the undercurrent of life in the church in this time. Whether one supports the right or the left, the Anglican Church will not remain the same. What was at one time a hallmark of the Anglican way, the ability for individuals and congregations to be different and united, has been eroded. What I feel now is that the principle of unity is more like smoke and mirrors. By the emails that flow among us and my own personal feelings I know the taste is bitter. Our reactions range over a large field. Sometimes the most we can do is to say to one another, "Have you seen this?" I feel like I am a tiny speck of something that is racing to jump over a cliff, like a lemming rushing to the sea.

If this were an individual in distress we would talk about the quality of care and quality of life. We would want to assure that the person had access to the best we could offer. We would be searching for legitimate ways of finding a way to a peaceful resolution. This does not seem to be the tone with which our church is acting. I have just received a notice from the Diocese of Calgary that their bishop is retiring after five years. One reason he names is the church community's refusal to back decisions made by the Synod and Executive Council. He talks about the deep theological divisions in that diocese which have existed more or less openly for several decades. He then refers to the international wrangling and dissension. The bishop's letter about his retirement has, for me, a snivelling tone. I am sure that is not what he intended. The Anglican drama, being witnessed by the world, causes me embarrassment. That our leaders can not work together towards conflict resolution in more mature ways saddens me.

I find myself moving towards individualism and doing what is best for myself. I want to erect protective walls to keep those who would hurt me away. At the same time I hope, against seemingly impossible odds, for a resolution that is honest and respectful; of all Anglican Christians.

What does it mean to be an open and inviting community in this time? How do we nurture each other and decide how we want to participate in what is happening? How do we participate with the wider church? The pain of Jesus' walk has settled on us. Perhaps we need to find out how we, in a meaningful way, support the life and work of Gene Robinson and the diocese of New Westminster. I know I need to continually centre myself in my call and my walk. This is not the end. It is a place on the journey, We are here together. We are called to be true to each other while this is pressing in on us with all its anxieties and imperfections. (And yes, that last sentence should be credited to the article about Ian McEwen in last Saturday's Globe. When I read it I knew it summed up what I wanted to say.)

Sara

November 30, 1999